Progress

No, my teen has not turned into an angel over night - but we have had some progress in our relationship. She plays basketball (and is pretty good at it) and lately I've been driving her and her friend to all of the games. Well, on Friday she said she'd be staying at Chelsea's place Saturday night and that Chelsea's mom & dad were going to drive them to the game on Sunday. I assumed that I'd be staying at home because she didn't want me to go to her games before. I figured I was just "allowed" to go now because I was her ride.

So when she left on Saturday to go to Chelsea's she said, "So, I'll see you tomorrow at 10?"

I was kind of dumbfounded.

"For the game mom. It's at 10."

"Do you want me to come?"

"Well, ya..."

So, she actually wanted me there! To me that is progress.

She may not be an angel but on Sundays - game days - she's pretty darned close.

Sleepy Teens

One of the problems I have every single day with my daughter is getting her out of bed. Every single day her alarm clock goes off and she ignores it for a bit and then she hits snooze. And it goes off and she ignores it and hits snooze. This can go on for hours. I try to get her up and moving before I leave the house at 7:30 am but it doesn't always happen.

And when I try to wake her up she is just nasty. She is cranky, she yells, she hides under the covers. It's pure torture - for everyone in the household.

So what can you do if you have a sleepy teen like I do? I did some peeking around and here are some suggestions I came up with (and I'm not saying that any of these will work! They are just suggestions from other desperate parents):

• Take them to the doctor for a full check up - there are sometimes physical reasons or mental health issues involved.
• Water - if they don't get up they do get wet
• Consistent revoking of privileges - cell phone, tv, computer, etc.
• Monitoring of diet and exercise - these things can affect how well you sleep
• Minimize over stimulation in the last hours of the day

These are just a few suggestions from the readers at Denise's Parenting Teens Blog. Stop by and read the responses from the February 27th entry, 17 Year Old Won't Wake Up - Any Advice?

Chris Brown and Rhianna - Is there a real lesson there for teens?

Three weeks ago Chris Brown and his girlfriend, the beautiful singer Rhianna hit the newstands. There had been a huge fight involving physical violence and charges were laid. Is this just another tidbit of celebrity news? Maybe. But there can be a lesson in there for teens.

Domestic violence is real and it doesn't just happen in trailer parks and in the ghettos. It happens in real life. While Chris and Rhianna may not be the best example of "real life" celebs are real to teens.

Here's some facts about domestic violence and teens:

• Of tweens between the ages of 11-14, 62% say they have friends who have been verbally abused by a girlfriend/boyfriend (Liz Clairborne Inc. study, 2008)
• 1 our of every 3 teens says that they know of a friend who has been physically abused (slapped, kicked, choked, etc) by a boyfriend or girlfriend (Liz Clairborne Inc. study, 2005)
• Almost 80% of teen girls who have been physically abused in an intimate relationship continue to date their abuser (City of New York, Teen Relationship Abuse Fact Sheet, March 1998)
• 30% of young women between the ages of 15-19 who are killed each year were killed by their boyfriend/husband (City of New York, Teen Relationship Abuse Fact Sheet, March 2008)

Shocking isn't it? I think the one that got to me the most is the statistic about how 80% of teen girls that are abused continue to date their abuser. The question is why?

Hopefully though, with this celeb news coming about about Rhianna and Chris, teens will start to talk about teen dating violence because if they don't talk about it there will never be enough help.

This is part 2 of a fictional story. If you haven't read the first part go here to read it now.

It's about a girl that gets grounded and manages to find some trouble anyway - even grounded and in her room!

How Much Trouble Can I Get Into Sitting In My Room? Part 2

"Frank Davis " visited all the fora "Sunnydae " had,
spewing his philosophy.

Sure he was banned/gagged on a couple, which I wanted.
This would give him a chip on his shoulder, build up a
following of the most backward people on Forumcity so
when he began his own forum, 'Troll Town' , he'd get a
lot of hits.

It only took two days for Frank to become the best friend
of the guys who had body odor and Troll Town was an
instant hit, and Frank so popular there were squads of idiots
lining up to be his 'mods '.

I appointed a guy I imagined had one hell of a beer belly,
bathed every Sunday, and had fallen out of High School who
used the name, "BigTractor " as Frank 's 'right hand man.'

It was incredible to post crap and have every stupid thing
I typed lapped like cream. To be the most popular person
in the 'world' as Frankdavis , while Sunnydae was treated
as a roach.

I expected someone would see thru my masquerade, realise
Frank was Sunnydae or at least a girl. No one did.

During day light hours I couldn't log on so a lot would
happen and my 'buds' would report to me. Emboldened, I
could attack as I wanted for no matter what kind of check
ran on Frank Davis they'd never connect 'him' to Joan
Farragut, currently an inmate at the Farragut Family Prison.

I didn't have to worry about Internet Costs or I.P as
I linked through a company. It wasn't legal as I wasn't
an employee but Richie Sunder's father worked there,
and gave Richie a user ID.

The login was 'shop', password 'accounts'. At night, no
one would be at shop, certainly not in accounts.

Where other members of Troll Town were trembling about
searches and pings, (one of my 'enemies' was capturing
information and posting it), I was sacrosanct.

Do a search of Frank Davis. Must be millions of them.
Thousands in New York. Hundreds in New York City.

Snatchmail was one of those accounts which only asked
name and password, requiring no other data. It wasn't
like yahoo or hotmail.

My archenemy was Bluehotel. I'm not sure what Frank
did to piss her off but she'd been locked out by my mods,
and kept getting back on using different nicks.

She made threats and I spit on them. She warned she
wouldn't take it and I goaded her to do her best.

She'd been able to infect Sweetie's computer with a
virus, post Diggadog's real name and address, sign
Hurtsalot up for every porn site on the Net, but so
far, Frank couldn't be touched.

Thinking myself invulnerable, supported by googals
of 'buds', on my own forum, (meaning no one could
ban/gag me) I got more boisterous than Sunnydae
would dare.

Bluehotel, who was obviously a nut job of the first
order, promised to 'make me pay.'

As I was on at night and she apparently logged on
from work or wherever she was during the day, the
messages between us were always delayed.

To protect myself, however, when I logged on, I'd go
through a proxy. I'd check the roster of users, making
sure she wasn't on. If she was, I'd stay as Guest, or
log on as Sunny.

Sweet dear Sunnydae, who was cursed by the same
people who kissed Frank 's behind.

Sunny didn't participate in the war. She tried to open
intelligent discussions on various topics. No one was
interested.

Six days after I began my 'sentence' Frank got an
e-mail at snatchmail.com from Bluehotel.

I shut down, switched to Linux, which I had installed on
my 'D' drive. I logged on, went to snatchmail, opened the
message.

Blue 'knew' where I (Frank ) lived and I'd soon see what
she could do.

For a moment I imagined her penetrating the Farragut
Family Prison in Toronto.

I wrote back, 'you're full of beans', then logged onto
Forumcity.

I posted Blue's message verbatim, ridiculed her even
more, posting her e-mail for all to see and tear apart.

I then decided to send Blue a trojan horse. I wasn't the
world's best hacker, but knew Blue was an idiot. I wrap-
ped my malware as an attachment named blue.jpg .

Blue was missing for the next two days, then on the third,
one day before my sentence was up, I received another
email from Blue. I deleted it unread.

I was buoyantly vicious the last night of my sentence
and at two a.m. logged off.

Shortly after nine that morning my cell was opened and
I was allowed to rejoin the family. I was allowed to go
into the backyard, the front porch and throw away the
garbage, but no further.

I could watch television, talk to my friends, but was not
allowed out at night. It didn't matter, I had something
to do at night.

I logged on later than usual. HBO had a great movie and
having not seen television for so long I guess I was
marvelled by it.

As I got onto Troll Town there were nervous;
"Where's Frank ?"
"Did anyone see Frank ?"

"I'm here." I typed.

In seconds came "Thank the Lord! " from Tractor,
"Blue said she'd killed you ."

"Don't feel dead." I replied.

"It was in the newspaper !" Punched in another one.

"What?"

"Didn't you see the News ?"

"I just got in from the dock, haven't seen my family
yet." Frank types.

"I'll send you the URL --
www.dailynews.com/987987/87678/2002712. "

So I open another window and see:

"Frank Davis, thirty four, of 3454 Battery Avenue, was
shot and killed early this morning..."

I hadn't used that address but could imagine a fevered
brain, searching for a Frank Davis who lived in New York
City, pulling data to get the right age.

"Tink contacted the F.B.I. we thought it was you. " Posted
Sneeze.

"Oh." What else could I type? Then, "My wife's busting
a gut, I'll log on later. If I'm still alive."

The joke fell flat.

Was it a coincidence?
Or was it that I had provoked an unbalanced lunatic
to the extreme?

How much trouble can I get into sitting in my room?
Rhetorical question.

Content Source: How Much Trouble Can I Get Into Sitting In My Room? Part 2 - Bukisa.com

This is part 3 of an ongoing story - if you want to read part one go here and if you want to read part 2 go here.

The Head Cheerleader Chapter 3

Nicole wiped away the tears from her eyes. Leah got out of the car and went around to open the door for Nicole. Nicole got in and Leah hurried around. She got in and closed the door quickly. She started the car and peeled out.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"It is not nothing if your crying like that. There's tissues in the glove compartment."

"Thanks. It'sjust that Steve Hunt said that if I didn't go to prom with him he was going to tell everyone my secret. Which not even my parents know. He knew because he found my red notebook. Speaking of it I lost it when we ran into each other earlier."

"I got the notebook. Why don't you go with him?"

"I'm not interested."

"I thought the head cheerleader is suppose to go out with the quarter back."

"Yes but..."

"But what?"

Leah pulled into the driveway and parked the car.

"It's just that I feel he's not the right one."

"Well then who is? I mean if it's alright for me to ask."

"Sure it's OK. I don't know. It's like nothing when I kiss him."

"I'm glad you confided in me. Don't worry my lips are sealed."

Nicole placed her hand on Leah's strong muscular arm.

"Thanks a bunch. Let's get started on English."

"We Will but first I got to go feed the horses. Want to come along?"

"Sure I would like to."

They both got out of the car and headed around the house to the barn.

"Do you want me to help?"

"No it's alright I can do it. Thanks for the offer though."

"Oh OK. Well I'll watch then."

Leah headed into the barn and grabbed a bundle of hay. Nicole watched as her muscles flexed. THe hay was like a sack of potatoes to her.

"25 pounds each."

"I don't think I could lift that. You make it look so easy."

"I'm just use to it."

She tossed the hay into two stalls. Pointing to the first stall.

"That is Coco's and Vixen's stall. The one next to theirs is Surfboard and Aqua. The cows are held in the other barn. Pigs and sheep out in the field."

"That's cool. Are we ready to start on English now?"

"Yes. I was wondering do you want to get paid for this? I have no problem paying you."

"No don't worry about it. Consider it as a favor."

"Well let's go."

They headed towards the house. Niles the butler greeted them at the door.

"Good afternoon Ms. Leah. Who is this fine young lady?" Nicole smiled.

"This is Nicole Meadows. She's going to help me with English."

"OK you two have fun. I'm off to the market."

Niles bowed and left them alone. Leah stood there for a moment.

"We can either work here at the kitchen table or up in my room."

"Let's go to your room."

"OK follow me."

Leah lead Nicole upstairs to her room. Hoping that Nicole wouldn't mind the posters of the women on her wall and the rainbow stuff everywhere. She put her hand on the door knob bracing herself for what Nicole may think. She opened the door and went in as Nicole followed.

"Make yourself comfortable. I forgot my things in the car. Oh while I am down there would you want something to drink?"

"Yes sure. Water would be nice."

"OK I'll be back in a jiffy."

Nicole sat on the bed as Leah went to get her stuff and the drinks. The posters of the woman on the wall made Nicole blush a bit. Her thoughts disappeared as she heard Leah coming up the stairs.

"OK water for you." She handed the cup to Nicole.

Leah sat down next to Nicole. Her tears were no longer on her face. Leah grabbed the red notebook that was Nicole's.

"Here's your notebook."

"Thanks I was hoping no one else found it. I mean since it was you it was alright you would understand."

"Nicole I have no idea what your talking about. You don't have to tell me anything. It's your secret."

"It's killing me not being able to tell anyone but Jamie."

"Jamie Marshall?"

"Yes. She is the only one who knows beside Steve."

Leah put her finger to Nicole's lips. Soft against her skin they were. Nicole stopped talking.

"We are here to work on English so isn't that what we should be doing?"

"Yeah your right. I'm sorry."

"No need to be." Leah smile sincerely.

Nicole began the lesson. Verbs and Nouns. Then came adjectives. Leah understood them. Time quickly flew by.

"I better get going before it gets too late."

"Yeah. Are we going to do this tomorrow?"

"Yes we are. Same time. Same place."

"Do you still want a ride?"

"Yeah if it's alright."

"Sure it is."

Nicole headed down the stairs as Leah followed. Nicole opened the door and went out onto the porch. Leah grabbed the phone. When she walked out onto the porch Nicole was sitting on the steps. Leah sat beside her handing the phone.

"Thanks. I'll call my mom it shouldn't take her long."

"Yeah."

Nicole hung up with her mom. They sat in silence for a bit. Until finally Leah grabbed Nicole and kissed her.

Content Source: The Head Cheerleader Chapter 3 - Bukisa.com

Continued from Part 1. If you haven't read part 1 yet read it here.

The Head Cheerleader Chapter 2

The bell rang and Leah grabbed her stuff and was about to go out the door when Mrs. Berkley stopped her.

"Leah you need to improve on your grades or your going to fail. If there's anything I can do let me know."

"Yeah OK." Like I am really going to come to you she thought.

Sarah didn't have the time to help. Who would? She thought. She walked out the door and straight into Nicole. Books and papers flew. Both got knocked to the floor.

"Oh I am so sorry." Leah stammered out.

Nicole just shrugged as if it happened everyday to her. Leah gathered her things and then began to help Nicole with hers. Leah reached for the red notebook just as Nicole's hand reached for it. Their hands lightly touch. Nicole pulled away startling Leah.

"Sorry."

"Don't worry. It's fine."

Leah thought of the feeling of Nicole's hand on hers and she liked it. The blue nail polish matched her eyes.

"Thanks for helping me."

"No problem. After all it was my fault and I'm really sorry."

"Ah it's OK. I overheard that you need help with English."

"Yeah I do but I don't know anyone who is willing to do it."

"What about Sarah?"

"She doesn't have the time with work and all."

"Well I can help you if you want."

"You could?"

"Yes so that way you don't fail."

"I would appreciate it. When can we start?"

"How about today after school since there is no cheer-leading practice."

"Sure. Your place or mine?"

"Probably yours. My family is very religious and all. I know that your a...lesbian."

"It's alright I understand."

"I'll meet you at your car after school."

"OK sounds good. Thanks for doing this for me."

"Your welcome."

Nicole smiled and walked away. Leah followed her with her eyes watching her hips sway. Glancing down she realized Nicole forgot the red notebook. Leah picked it up. Hoping to give it back to her as soon as she could.

She headed off to art with Ms. Larissa Gene. She preferred to be called Larissa. The smell of clay filled the room. Ms. Larissa sat behind the desk as the bell rang. Leah came in and sat at her table waiting for the instructions to begin.

"Good Morning class. Today we're going to start our clay projects. Remember it can be anything you want it to be. Be creative!"

With that everyone got to work. Leah already knew what she was going to make. She was good with her hands so this won't take too long to do. It was going to be the best thing she ever created. By the end of the period she had the lower half of her clay model done. The detail was spectacular. Long legs. The curvation of the lips. After-all was said and done it looked perfect. Ms. Larissa walked around and acknowledged everyone's work. She got to Leah and stopped rubbing her chin.

"Wow Leah this is amazing but your going to have to cover up the private area."

"What? Why? It's showing the beauty of a woman."

"I know but you never know what the advisers will think. I personally think it's fine the way it is."

"It's my sculpture. I am keeping it like it is. The advisers can take a chair and shove it up their......" She stopped.

Leah stormed out of the room. Ms. Larissa stood there just speechless.

Leah got down to lunch and it sure was packed. Mystery meat for lunch. Ah no thanks Leah thought. She placed her stuff on the table and went up to grab an apple and some water. She sat down and began to eat her apple. Out of the corner of her eyes she saw Nicole sitting with her friends. The curvation of her jaw. Those lips. Leah shuddered. She had to stop thinking about Nicole like that. Nicole glanced over at Leah. Leah turned quickly hoping Nicole wouldn't see that her face was bright red. She quickly got up and left the cafeteria and headed to her car.

Oh fuck she thought Nicole is going to help me with English. She fiddle with her hat as she sat waiting in her car for Sarah and Nicole. Sarah was the first to show. Instead of climbing in she went over to Leah's side.

"I'm getting a ride with Mark. SO you don't have to wait for me."

"Shit you mean I got to ride with Nicole by myself."

"Wait. What?"

"Yeah she's going to help me with my English so I don't fail."

"Sorry Leah I didn't know. You'll be fine though. Plus you think she's cute anyways."

"So what if I do? She's probably as straight as an arrow flying through the air."

"You never know."

"Yeah maybe but I am not holding my breath. I might turn blue."

Sarah left and Leah waited for Nicole. Nicole appeared coming down the hill a couple of minutes later. Tears were streaming down her face. The tears glistened in the sun.

Content Source: The Head Cheerleader Chapter 2 - Bukisa.com

This is a fictional story written by a real teen. It is about being a lesbian in high school and dealing with being attracted to someone in a different clique.

The Head Cheerleader

Knocking her alarm clock off the night stand Leah Mason rolled herself out of bed. Her clothes already laid out from the night before. Camo pants and a black muscle shirt. She loved to show off her muscles since not many girls at Temple High have them. Also it was a way for her to show off her tattoo. Her tattoo was of a rainbow flag with Carpi Diem printed on the inside. Leah got dressed, sprayed her cologne, and went downstairs for breakfast. Mr. Mason was at the table reading Temple View News and Mrs. Mason was making a list for the Butler to do.

"Good Morning Leah." They said as she walked into the Kitchen.

"Good Morning mom and dad."

Mrs. Mason noticed the shirt that she had on first. Her face scrunched up.

"Leah go change your shirt. You should be more lady like."

"Well mom news flash I may be a lady but I'm a butch. Come on hello lesbian."

"Don't get that tone with me young lady."

Leah ignored her mom. She grabbed an apple kissed her dad on the cheek and grabbed her car keys off their hook. Making her way to the six car garage as she began to eat the apple.The best thing about having rich parents was you got what ever you wanted. Her dad came in.

"Don't forget to feed the horses."

"Yes dad I know."

"Try not to get into any trouble at school. I don't need another call at the office."

"Yes sir I'll do my best."

Leah hopped into the black corvette. Feeling it's leather anterior. The big solid oak garage doors opened up. She started the car and pulled out heading to Sarah's house to pick her up for school. Moments later she pulled up in front of Sarah's house and honked the horn. While she waited she put the rag top down and grabbed her black baseball hat from the backseat. She put it on as Sarah appeared at the front door.

"Come on Sarah let's go."

"I'm coming." She said as she bounced down the stairs.

She waved bye to her mom and quickly got into the car. Leah pulled out and began to head towards Temple High. The sun beat down on her already tanned body. Sarah hummed along to the song on the radio. Switching the radio off Leah nudged Sarah in the side.

"What?"

"Did you ask Mark out yet?"

"No I didn't."

"Why not what are you waiting for?"

"For you to turn straight."

"Ain't gonna happen."

"I know so back off. I'll get to it."

Leah pulled into a parking space at the bottom of the hill. Shutting off the engine she put the rag top back up. They both got out.

"Go ahead Sarah. I'll be up in a few. I got to take care of something."

"Hurry up so your not late again."

"I got 15 minutes."

"OK well I warned you."

Sarah bounced up the hill as her blond pony tail bounced along with her. Leah grabbed the Pennzoil from the trunk. She popped the hood and was adding some in when she noticed the shadow that came up behind her. She twisted the cap back on and turned to see that Nicole Meadows the head cheerleader was standing there.

"Nice car."

"Thanks."

Leah tried to push away the thoughts she was having about Nicole. The tension she felt was so unbearable that she turned away. She got into the car and just sat there. Then Nicole got in and made herself comfortable. Nicole's black hair tied up in a bun. Her tight blue jeans revealed her slim figure. Leah swallowed what could she possibly want. She never talked to be before why all of sudden now Leah thought.

"Can I help you?"

"Nope it's all good."

"Why are you in my car then?"

"I wanted to see what the inside looked like."

"Happy now?"

"Yes."

The silence enveloped them with welcoming arms. Leah stared at the wheel. Until Nicole broke the silence.

"We should get going."

"Yeah your right. I can't be late again."

They both got out of the car. Nicole headed up the hill as Leah followed behind. Nicole's ass was perfect in those jeans. Leah was wondering if she was wearing a thong or not. Leah pushed it away. Just as soon as they topped the hill the bell rang.

"Fuck! I'm late again."

Nicole just waltzed right on into school as if it was nothing for her. She waited for Leah in the Loop which was where everyone gathered before school.

"Don't worry I'll help you out."

"Thanks but you don't have to."

"Well I want to."

They both walked into Mr. Brown's office. He stood up as soon as they entered.

"Ms. Mason your late again. What is that the tenth time this week? Do I need to make a phone call again?"

"Mr. Brown Leah was with me. We were talking about practice try outs for cheer-leading. I was trying to get her to join. She said no so I asked if she would mind helping to decorate for prom."

"OK Ms. Meadows I let Ms. Mason slide this time. I don't want to see you in her again."

"Yes Mr. Brown."

"I will make sure Leah stays out of here."

"Get onto class you two."

Wiping her forehead Leah thanked Nicole as they got out into the hallway.

"Hey it's no problem."

"Did you mean what you said in there about prom?"

"Yeah I was getting to that. Would you help? I know your talented in the art department."

"Sure I guess I could. After all it looks like I have no choice."

"Thanks a bunch. So have you thought about asking someone yet to prom?"

"I got someone in mind but I don't know if she would be interested. We come from two different cliques."

"You know it never hurts to ask."

"She probably already has someone to go with and I really don't know much about her. Have you got anyone to go with?"

"No. I am waiting for someone to ask me."

"Well..."

"What? Why did you stop?"

"Ah never mind."

They walked into Mrs. Berkley's English class. That was close Leah thought. I was going to ask her then and there. I knew I couldn't do it. At least not yet. Sarah looked at them. Leah sat in her seat and Nicole sat down behind her. Leah swallowed hard.

"Alright class I am going to pass back the tests you took on A Brave New World. I am pleased with someone of you and as for the others nothing has changed which doesn't surprise me any."

Leah waited patiently for her test. I studied all night. I hope I got a decent grade she thought. The test got placed in front of her. A D plus. Great I am going to be grounded again she thought. Nicole got hers back. An A plus as always. Leah tucked her paper in her binder and sat through English waiting for the bell to ring. She wanted to get out of this place.

Content Source: The Head Cheerleader - Bukisa.com

Encouraging Self-Worth in Teens

It likely goes without saying but one of the reasons that teens find trouble is because they don't feel good about themselves. They are search for some sort of validation and a sense of belonging - no matter who it comes from. Sometimes the easiest source of validation comes from their friends and they are much easier to impress by doing something we don't approve of.

So how can we encourage self-worth in our teens? That answer is going to be different for everyone because every teen is different and has different interests. The key is getting them to focus on it.

My daughter (who is almost 14 and has been filled with challenges!) is good at sports. So, I've encouraged her to sign up for any sport she is interested in. So far the only one that has stuck has been basketball. But that's ok because several times a week she is busy with practice or games. She gets to hang out with a group of girls that aren't doing drugs or drinking (at the time anyway) and they have something to focus on. She also has a great coach that encourages and inspires them and talks to them about things other than basketball.

A couple of years ago we also found out that she was a very good writer. And she enjoys doing it. So, to encourage her to write more I'm going to be buying her stories and yes, you will see them here. I'm also opening it up to other teens - her friends - the inspire them to find something they are good at. As a writer I know that getting paid for something you do can be one of the greatest highs ever and I want them to see that.

I also think that in order to understand teens you need to know what they really think. It's good to hear what they have to say - even if you don't like it very much. So, part of this blog is going to be writing from teens on the subjects that they want to write about and things we want to know about.

With that in mind, I'm going to ask anyone who reads them to keep in mind that sharing the stuff that they write about is not easy for them. And you might not like what they have to say. But they are writing from the heart. They are sharing. And we are learning. So if you have something negative to say, keep it to yourself. If you have something constructive to say, good. But don't tear them down and tell them that they are horrible people. They aren't - they are developing people that are growing and trying to figure out who they really are.

So, watch for the first teen written article on shoplifting!

How Much Trouble Can I Get Into Sitting In My Room - Part 1

This is a fictional story but I think it serves as a good lesson. You can't control your teen all the time and even if they are grounded and in their room they can find trouble if they want to!

How Much Trouble Can I Get Into Sitting In My Room?

"Let's see how much trouble you can get into, locked in your room! "

That was my father's remark. I think that's an example of a rhetorical question.

I'd 'gone too far' 'had to be grounded' so got two weeks to 'consider my life '.

I'd be eighteen in two weeks (as if that would matter). As long as I 'lived in his house' I must
abide by his rules.' No matter how arbitrary, convoluted or dumb, he was the King in his Castle.

Summer, a beautiful time to be young and free; and I'd lose TWO WHOLE WEEKS!

Locked into my room, the head warder, (my mother) bringing me food three times a day. Fortunately, I had my own bathroom.

No television, no phone calls, (they took the phone), no visitors. I could read the encyclopedia, the Bible, Great Books and my last year's texts, but no magazines, novels, no amusements.

But I had my notebook computer.

It was black, the same as my loose leaf, which I kept on top of it. As there hadn't been a search of my cell, I hoped to keep myself sane for the NEXT TWO WEEKS! by riding the Internet.

When lights went out at NINE O'CLOCK, I connected the jack, logged on and would be on all night. Even if a bed check' was made at the Farragut Family Prison, I had enough time to hear the key in the stucky lock, shut the computer and get into a non-compromising position.

The first night I logged on to Forumcity. This was the 'Human face' of the Internet.

There were thousands of discussions among human beings (so-called).

I'd stumbled across Forumcity two years ago and been a steady poster in twenty fora. Now I was down to five. I'd had been gagged and/or locked out of the others.

It wasn't that I was a troll, I just wouldn't back off an opinion because the nazi who moderated didn't agree.

As it seemed that everyone who belonged to Fab Feminists also belonged to Women's Issues , Gender Issues , Grrls, and other so called feminist fora, my 'sins' would be dragged from one place to another.

Having offended the pig on Fab Fem, I was warned on Women's Issues and that was enough to get every Troll hag snapping at my heels trying to provoke a response so I could be banned.

There's a gestalt to message boards.

There's the 'Best Friend' syndrome where one always sticks up for a 'Best Friend' no matter how stupid or wrong.

There's the 'Worst Enemy' , so no matter what is posted, it must be attacked.

And of course there's the push until you pull which is how to get someone banned.

As I logged on to Forumcity I realised I'd made a mistake when I'd used the nick Sunnydae. I'd admitted my gender and age and had been honest in my opinions.

This meant every male could hit on and/or insult me, no female would defend me. That's what really annoyed me.

Women, many naming themselves feminists, none of whom would support, defend or simply tell offensive males to lay off another woman.

In fact, after a particularly filthy attack on me and my pathetic plea for help, the moderator said she wouldn't stick up for me just because I was a woman.

I didn't realise, until logging on in my pitch black room, that the same solitary confinement I was experiencing at the Farragut Family Prison I had also reaped in cyberspace.

Being considered a Troll in my family, I didn't need to suffer it in Forumcity. With TWO WEEKS of nothing to do, and my only human contact these idiots on Forumcity, I decided to create a new identity.

I went to Snatchmail.com and opened an account as Frank Davis. I made him thirty five, used a New York address.

When it came to chosing a nickname, I picked Frankdavis so I'd be instantly recognised as male.

Frank wasn't just an average guy, he had reactionary views about two inches north of a biker dude.

Frank was married and had two kids and spent a lot of time drinking beer and going sailing with his 'buds'.

It hadn't take me long to invent Frank' s life. He was the average American guy.

Content Source: How Much Trouble Can I Get Into Sitting In My Room? - Bukisa.com

Watch for part 2 of this story coming soon!

Protect Your Child From Teen Drug Use

I sometimes write articles for a site called Bukisa. It is a great way to network, find people that are interested in the same things you are, and share your knowledge. And don't forget that they profit share! If you have a blog or a website, you should think about posting some articles there. You can join here. And once you've joined, look me up and let me know when you post something and I'll drop by and say hi!

Anyway, this is a subject that is close to my heart because I've been dealing with a kid that does drugs for a few years. It's a constant battle with many challenges. Teens are doing drugs and to pretend they aren't is just putting your kids at risk.

How To Protect Your Teen From Drugs

Drugs are everywhere – on the streets, in people's homes, and yes, in our communities. And whether you believe it or not your kids could be doing drugs.

Even though you can't follow them around all day and make sure they aren't doing stupid things there are things you can do:

1. Educate yourself. Learn what kind of drugs kids are doing, where they are getting it from, and what the effects of those drugs are. Learn the signals of how to tell if your kids are doing drugs.


2. Communicate with your kids. I know that is really cliché, but do talk to them. And keep talking to them, even if they try to shut you out. Talk to them about stuff they are interested in and talk to them about serious issues like drugs, smoking, and alcohol.


3. If you think your kids are doing drugs or drinking, get support for yourself. You can't help your kids if you don't know how and you can't care for your kids or your families if you aren't caring for yourself.


4. Get help for your kids if you think they are doing drugs. There are many programs that can be helpful and below you'll find some resources.


5. Stay strong. Choose the rules of your house and the consequence of breaking them and stick to them. No matter what. Your home is the one thing you can control even if you can't control their actions outside the home.


6. Judge not lest you be judged. I know not everyone is religious but that is the best advice I have ever heard. No one is perfect and everyone messes up. So when you see someone that has messed up or is imperfect, give some friendly support instead of using negative words.

Whether your kids are doing drugs, thinking of doing drugs, or neither – educate yourself and your kids and know where to get help if you need it.

Content Source: How To Protect Your Teen From Drugs - Bukisa.com

Teens Having Babies

There's been a lot about teens having babies on the news in the past year or so. Jamie Spears was 16 when she got pregnant, 17 when she had it.

And then Bristol Palin, Sarah Palin's teenage daughter, was revealed to be pregnant and had her baby when she was also 17. (Read about here thoughts here)

And let's not forget about the 17 girls in Gloucester, Massachusetts who formed the pregnancy pact and made it their mission to get pregnant come hell or high water. These girls went to whatever lengths it took - one of them even said to have conceived a child with a 24 year old homeless guy!

Finally, the most recent media blow up - the 15 year old girl that just had a baby and pointed at a 13 year old boy (that looks 8) as the father, only to find out that he's only one of many possible fathers!

So, finally, the question: Why are teenage girls getting pregnant and why are some of them planning for it?

There are many reasons for teenage girls getting pregnant. The reasons vary as much as the type of girls. Because these aren't just uneducated kids from broken homes. The 17 girls from the small fishing village are varied in their socioeconomic classes, Spears comes from a well off family, and Palin has had a nurturing mother.

Some of the reasons might include:

• lack of self-esteem
• lack of sex education
• misconceptions about being a parent
• the glamorizing of unwed motherhood in the media (Juno and Knocked Up come to mind)
• curiosity
• access or lack of access to birth control
• rebellion
• wanting to be loved
• wanting to belong to a group
• wanting to escape a situation

And the list goes on. In order for teenage girls to escape the trap of teen motherhood they first need to see that they have value. And then they need to see a different future that is worth having.

With that being said, the girls are not completely at fault. There is always a father. And teenage boys (and young men in some cases) need to start taking responsibility for wearing condoms or better yet, for saying no.

After all, if they aren't wearing condoms they are lucky if they just get pregnant - they could end up with HIV/AIDS.

Teens and Friendships

How "good" your parenting is often does not have the biggest role in your child's choice to experiment with drugs. There are many reasons that kids choose to try drugs and lack of time with their parents, lack of communication, and lack of information is not always the reason. Those three factors do often come into play but just because you've spent a lot of quality time with your kids and speak to them about everything under the sun does not make them immune.

This is from an article that I wrote and published on Bukisa (read all of it here).

I think it is important for parents to come to realize and accept that they are no longer the center of their children's universe. In fact, you might not even be on their Top Ten list. No matter how much you love them, how much attention you give them, or how much time you spend with them, there are simply other factors that play a huge role in their lives.

Friendships are one of the biggest influencing factors in teens lives. My daughter comes home and hits the computer, turning on her Facebook account right away. Then she picks up the phone. Sound familiar? She's only been away from her friends for about 10-15 minutes but she feels a need to be constantly connected to them. Why?

I'm not the only one asking this question. Wayne Parker asks the same question in his article, What Friendship Means to Your Teen. He discusses things like changing patterns and social status and give some great ideas for letting your teen have the independence they crave yet keeping them close.

Basically, your teen is changing and becoming the adult that they will be in a very short time. They are learning about themselves and how they relate to the world - where they fit in. They know where they fit with you. You're their parents and you love them (or let's hope that is what they think). Now they need to figure out what other people think about them and whether or not they are happy with that or if they want to change it.

The bottom line is that your teen is changing and learning about themselves and they are going to look outside their home for answers.

A couple of good articles to further your reading:

• Teen Growth and Development - 11-14 years - outlines physical, sociological, and intellectual changes your teen will go through and some tips to help you get through it, too. The thing I've implemented the most in the past couple years? Talk about it! Don't keep it to yourself because then you really are alone but once you start talking you'll find out that you aren't alone at all and you can have a great support team. I talk about my daughter's drug issues fairly often and I'm glad I have because if I hadn't my friend would never have suspected her son of smoking pot. Because she knew I was having issues with it though, she thought to check up on him when things didn't seem right and now her 12 year old son is getting the attention he needs (and yes, it does start that early!).
• Ten Things Your Teen Son Won't Tell You...But He Did Tell Me - great article about teen boys. I'm just getting into this one so I haven't had a huge amount of experience with it yet. I think I'll be referring back to this one!

How have your teens been influenced by friendships? Do they talk to you about it? Do you have other ways of finding out about it? How do you feel about "snooping"? Do you take advantage of tools that are available on the Internet to read messages, check out their Facebook profile?

I'd like to hear what you have to say about teens and friendships so leave a comment!

Loving Your Imperfect Teen

"Yes, Shauna finished the year on the Honor Roll for the third year in a
row. She'll be going into all advanced classes again and she'll likely
graduate in December. I feel so sorry for you for having to deal with
alcohol and drugs - Shauna never did anything like that. And you know,
she's saved up so much money from that part time business that she runs with her
friends that her first few years of university are already paid for. She's
so busy with school and her business and volunteering at the Seniors Centre
three times a week. She's such a good girl!"

Does this sound familiar at all? And no, not because it is your teen but because there's always someone in your life that has that perfect kid that no one can touch? Don't feel bad - I've been there!

If you're here it is likely because you have a teen that is so far from perfect that you have clumps of hair missing and your voice is raw from screaming into your pillow at night. Maybe they are doing minor things and maybe they've managed to find some pretty major trouble. Either way - this blog is for us - for parents with imperfect teens.

My teen is young - not quite 14 yet but I've already had my share of imperfections to deal with. The thing I'm learning is that despite her imperfections - and my own because the answers that I think are right at the time often aren't when I look back at them - is that she really needs my love. She needs to know that I will always love her. And she needs to know that I will love her, not despite her imperfections, but imperfections and all. It is part of who she is. But her imperfections are not all of who she is.

In this blog I'm going to address some serious issues that we come across in the teen years. Many of the will be things that I've gone through myself and some of them will be issues that I know other parents are facing. I would love to have your feedback, I want to know what you want to read about, and if you have a blog that has to do with teens I want you to share it with me so that I can read it.

I'm also going to share some research that I've done. Some of it will be internet based but others may have a more empirical background. I majored in Human Ecology with a Family Studies major in University. My focus was more on families and younger children then but now that I have teenagers I've been doing more research about the teen years. Once again, discussion is encouraged so please leave comments!

Parents - and grandparents and other family members as well - our teens are our future and we have to love them otherwise they may not grow up to love themselve. Let's learn together what we can do to make our future better.